Corey “The Carbohydrater” Metzger
The Carbohydrater, with his impeccable sense of style, arrives fashionably late to the competition, as always. This is also a brilliant tactical move, letting the other two competitors sling mud at each other while waiting to pounce like a rabid flying squirrel, at just the right moment.
The Great Lakes Region has come to know “The Carbohydrater” as a constant favorite to win any “Best Man Challenge” in which he participates. To date he sports a near perfect record of 34-1-1, with the 1 loss coming during a severe bout with botulism, and the one tie in a fierce battle with the groom’s siamese-twin brother. Corey’s unrivaled bachelor party planning, his flawless ring delivery skills, and his remarkable toasting technique have only served to strengthen his legendary status.
None of this may matter, however as the Carbohydrater recently suffered a debilitating shuffleboard accident that threatened not only his career, but also his very life. The Carbohydrater has been working around the clock to return to competitive form by eating copious quantities of bread, pasta, and cereal. He believes he has recovered fully from this tragedy and is poised to make the comeback of the century, if not the millenium.
In addition to the time spent working on his rehabilitation, the Carbohydrater recently changed jobs to allow him to focus his full attention on this Best Man Challenge. This was done due to the fact that the competition appears to be the most formidable he has faced to date. Other steps have been taken as well. To create a stronger unspoken bond with the groom, the Carbohydrater is driving a Honda Civic, adding Mentos to his daily diet, and learning Copa Cabana in eighteen different languages.
This Best Man Challenge will go down not only in the history books, but also in folk lore as the greatest Best Man Challenge ever held. That is why The Carbohydrater has pledged to do whatever it takes to win. That’s right, WHATEVER IT TAKES. The competition should watch out.
“Corey sure seems to like to stand in line, he’d probably do a good job standing in a church!”
Jimmy –Assistant Manager – Funnel Cake Hut – Six Flags Great America – Three Time Winner of “The Slowest Employee at the Slowest Place on Earth Award” and future manager of Gurnee, Illinois DMV Driver’s License Center
“I’m Bill Paxton, and I say “Game over man… Game over!” That is what happens when The Carbohydrater enters any Best Man Challenge.”
Bill Paxton – International Movie Star and perennial favorite to win an Oscar due to his astounding acting range and abilities
“Given the number of outings he has had as a best man it’s hard to believe he has only lost three rings!”
Corey’s sixth grade teacher (who also happens to be his mother and the groom’s summer mother)